I know i fell and i failed

I know I fell and I failed...

I know this is not right!!! I told myself not to fall for him. I rest assured myself that I won't fall.. But to my mistake I fell and I know I failed. I know he doesnt have any feelings for me. But what i wanna ask due to my curiosity is.."Was there any time during those time that we're still buddy that you miss me?or any kick of admiration? "That's it.. but hell it's so hard to tell him.. So hard to even look at him. I don't deserve him and neither do him.
How can I ease this feelings that I have for him???...I really fell from him. I thought I can hold this one.. Because I thought that it's just mind over matter but it's not. It's really not. I thought it's just a mere sex buddy but it's not.. All of those thoughts turned 180 degrees... and still accelerating, hope i can have diversion on this feelings,,,, I hope I really hope..