Weehhh I am so happy because my hardship really did paid off!! KAMPAI.... heheheh I passed on my discrete math,physics and programming yahuuu.... i really am so happy that I got all those because those are really so hard subjects so now that I got them I really want to thank GOD for giving me all the strength, for encouraging me to go to school though I am so tired and feelin' blue.. haayyyzzztt I love it I really cried when i knew that I passed. I really wanna shout for that...
My parents are so proud of me. Even my dad, he witnessed my hardships my meal skipping, my crying and my sleeping so much late during weekends... That's why with the news he got from me. I know that it's a big smile and pride that I gave to my papi...
Thank You so Much God!!!!
xoxo
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Are we back?
I got confuse on what he had said to me 2 months ago. After 2 months I am also confuse of what's the real thing behind those hugs kisses grabbing of hands and laughters.
When will be the real time of asking him about what he had said?When can I have guts to ask him?When can I tell him the things that I'm starting to fell out of love with him. His sweetness during the morning kisses and the hugs during the cold winter-y temp of my room,and the laughter during our movie-thon. How can I explain that? Is he gaining back my sumptuous sweetness to him?or just what he wants. Just the same of what he have expected last time.?
For my goodness' sake help me complete this puzzle please give me the last piece so that I may know what's this all about...Im really confuse!!!
xoxo
When will be the real time of asking him about what he had said?When can I have guts to ask him?When can I tell him the things that I'm starting to fell out of love with him. His sweetness during the morning kisses and the hugs during the cold winter-y temp of my room,and the laughter during our movie-thon. How can I explain that? Is he gaining back my sumptuous sweetness to him?or just what he wants. Just the same of what he have expected last time.?
For my goodness' sake help me complete this puzzle please give me the last piece so that I may know what's this all about...Im really confuse!!!
xoxo
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
in the air
You can already feel the cool breeze of air during night times.Lots of malls are beginning to have their 3 day,weekend,or even midnight sale. Because CHRISTMAS is in the air!!! Weehhh I love Christmas. The food that momma cooks during Christmas is awesome,the Ube halaya,hamonado,spag,salad and the 'bida ng Noche Buena' which is HAM!!hmmm so yummy. I love the spirit of giving gifts during Christmas,and the package which is papi's gift for me. Hmm I love the one week paid vacation, the relaxing week is so fine, so fine that can help us regain some strength that we've lost for the whole year.
The best of all during Christmas is...The Thanksgiving,giving thanks to God for everything that He gave to us for the whole year..
The best of all during Christmas is...The Thanksgiving,giving thanks to God for everything that He gave to us for the whole year..
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Even
Even at my worst will someone tell me that 'I am their life'? Will be there for me 'til the last tear that I've cried?Who will that be? Will they accept my imperfections?
I cry everytime I hear love songs. I sigh everytime there's a love novel-ish story. Because I sometimes dream that someday or somehow by all means I would've been on there shoes. 'IF EVER'..
I am at my worst, I am a slut. I am a whorrific. Will anyone still accept me? What if NONE? What if they get rid off me?What if they curse me? I am pretty sure they can't accept my alter-ego.
Will there be any chance for me to savour the word 'true love'? Please cupid, give me a chance to have it.. Give me someone who will be there everytime I need a lean.
What am I gonna do to have them? Kneel from the first step of Taoist temple to the last one? If ever that's the best thing to do. I will..I really wanted to know If there will be someone to accept for the real me,'
So Long,
leanne
xoxo
I cry everytime I hear love songs. I sigh everytime there's a love novel-ish story. Because I sometimes dream that someday or somehow by all means I would've been on there shoes. 'IF EVER'..
I am at my worst, I am a slut. I am a whorrific. Will anyone still accept me? What if NONE? What if they get rid off me?What if they curse me? I am pretty sure they can't accept my alter-ego.
Will there be any chance for me to savour the word 'true love'? Please cupid, give me a chance to have it.. Give me someone who will be there everytime I need a lean.
What am I gonna do to have them? Kneel from the first step of Taoist temple to the last one? If ever that's the best thing to do. I will..I really wanted to know If there will be someone to accept for the real me,'
So Long,
leanne
xoxo
Saturday, October 18, 2008
My so called Lust life
I started to know the world when I was 14 then I really entered it at 21 then emerged fully on 22 and be an active one at the present time (as of now im 23)..
Sometimes I feel so abused but sometimes I tend to like it. But afterwards as I stare into the mirror of myself, I see myself ravaged. Being touched, cunned, licked, and fucked by different guys. Sometimes they are just the unknown ones, sometimes they are my fubu... I don't have stable relationship what I have is a stable FUBU with a young guy. I maintained our lustful relationship for 4 months. But that is not a love-based relationship just a lustfull one.
Sometimes I told myself "what if i didn't do all these things?" "Would there be any chances for me to have a stable relationship?" "Would guys treat me as a saint?, would they not fool me"? duh lots of 'what ifs' bummed into my mind. But one thing for sure... I didn't regret it. Because Im happy doing those unlawful and unacceptable things.If they can't accept me for that if they will judge me for that I dare them "CAST THE FIRST STONE!!!" I will let them rip me off if someone of the crowd do that. If they themselves prove that they are the clean ones the perfect being aside from GOD.Then on they will have all the rights to do that.!
Will it be my mistake?If yes, then Im proud having that mistake because with that mistake I tend to know how to handle myself and how to play with destiny, fate , and LIFE!!
My lust life is a spice that colours me alive!!!
Sometimes I feel so abused but sometimes I tend to like it. But afterwards as I stare into the mirror of myself, I see myself ravaged. Being touched, cunned, licked, and fucked by different guys. Sometimes they are just the unknown ones, sometimes they are my fubu... I don't have stable relationship what I have is a stable FUBU with a young guy. I maintained our lustful relationship for 4 months. But that is not a love-based relationship just a lustfull one.
Sometimes I told myself "what if i didn't do all these things?" "Would there be any chances for me to have a stable relationship?" "Would guys treat me as a saint?, would they not fool me"? duh lots of 'what ifs' bummed into my mind. But one thing for sure... I didn't regret it. Because Im happy doing those unlawful and unacceptable things.If they can't accept me for that if they will judge me for that I dare them "CAST THE FIRST STONE!!!" I will let them rip me off if someone of the crowd do that. If they themselves prove that they are the clean ones the perfect being aside from GOD.Then on they will have all the rights to do that.!
Will it be my mistake?If yes, then Im proud having that mistake because with that mistake I tend to know how to handle myself and how to play with destiny, fate , and LIFE!!
My lust life is a spice that colours me alive!!!
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
someone from damascus 4
Now he's leaving for a while and so do I. Now, I prefer to go to Sahara to be on myself to give time to my hardships and time to chill..I need to love first myself than anybody else in the world. I need to give time for myself and embrace the whole me.
I need it... To change the old me, to know the real me,..
I need it... To change the old me, to know the real me,..
How Painful
dear mommy,
iam in heaven now,sitting on God's lap.He loves me and cries with me.For my heart has been broken.I so wanted to be your little girl.I dont quite understand what has happened.I was so excited when I began realizing my existence.I was in a dark,yet comfortable place.I saw i had fingers and toes.I was pretty far along in my developing, yet not near ready to leave my surrondings. I spent most of my time thinking or sleeping. Even from my earliest days,I felt a special bonding between you and me.Sometimes I heard you crying and i cried with you. sometimes you would yell or scream, then cry. I heard daddy yelling back. I was sad,and hoped you would be better soon. I wondered why you cried so much. One day you cried almost all of the day. I hurt for you. I couldn't imagine why you were so unhappy. That same day,the most horrible thing happened. A mean monster came into that warm, comfortable place i was in. I was so scared, i began screaming, but there was no sound. I guess they had all pinned down because you never once tried to help me. Maybe you never heard me. The monster got closer and closer as I was screaming and screaming."mommy,help me please.complete terror is all i felt. I screamed and screamed until I thought i couldn't anymore. Then the monster started ripping my arm off.It hurt so bad;the pain I can never explain.It didnt stop.Oh,how i begged it to stop.I screamed in horror as it ripped my leg off. Though I was such complete pain, i realized i was dying. I knew i would never see your face or hear you say how much you love me.I wanted to make all your tears go away. I had so many plans to make you happy.Now, i couldnt; all my dreams were shattered. Though I was utter pain and horror, i felt the pain of my heart breaking, above all. I wanted more than anything to be your daughter. No use now, for I was dying a painful death. I could only imagine the terrible things they had done to you. I wanted to tell you that I love you before i was gone, but i didnt know the words you could understand. And soon I no longer had the breath to say them; I was dead. I felt myself rising. I was being carried by a huge angel into a big beautiful place. I was still crying, but the physical pain was gone. The angel took me to Jesus and set me on His lap. He said" He Loved me, and he was my Father.Then I was happy. I asked Him what was that killed me. He answered "Abortion" Iam sorry my child, for i know how it feels. I dont know what abortion is; i guess that's the name of the monster. I'm writing to say that I love you and to tell you how much I wanted to be your little girl. I tried very hard to live. I wanted to live. I had the will, but i could'nt the monster was too powerful. It sucked my arms and legs off and finally got all of me. It was impossible to live. I just wanted you to know I tried to stay with you. I didnt want to die. Mommy, please watch out for that abortion monster. Mommy, i love you and i would hate for you to go through the kind of pain I did. Please be careful.
Love,
your baby girl
iam in heaven now,sitting on God's lap.He loves me and cries with me.For my heart has been broken.I so wanted to be your little girl.I dont quite understand what has happened.I was so excited when I began realizing my existence.I was in a dark,yet comfortable place.I saw i had fingers and toes.I was pretty far along in my developing, yet not near ready to leave my surrondings. I spent most of my time thinking or sleeping. Even from my earliest days,I felt a special bonding between you and me.Sometimes I heard you crying and i cried with you. sometimes you would yell or scream, then cry. I heard daddy yelling back. I was sad,and hoped you would be better soon. I wondered why you cried so much. One day you cried almost all of the day. I hurt for you. I couldn't imagine why you were so unhappy. That same day,the most horrible thing happened. A mean monster came into that warm, comfortable place i was in. I was so scared, i began screaming, but there was no sound. I guess they had all pinned down because you never once tried to help me. Maybe you never heard me. The monster got closer and closer as I was screaming and screaming."mommy,help me please.complete terror is all i felt. I screamed and screamed until I thought i couldn't anymore. Then the monster started ripping my arm off.It hurt so bad;the pain I can never explain.It didnt stop.Oh,how i begged it to stop.I screamed in horror as it ripped my leg off. Though I was such complete pain, i realized i was dying. I knew i would never see your face or hear you say how much you love me.I wanted to make all your tears go away. I had so many plans to make you happy.Now, i couldnt; all my dreams were shattered. Though I was utter pain and horror, i felt the pain of my heart breaking, above all. I wanted more than anything to be your daughter. No use now, for I was dying a painful death. I could only imagine the terrible things they had done to you. I wanted to tell you that I love you before i was gone, but i didnt know the words you could understand. And soon I no longer had the breath to say them; I was dead. I felt myself rising. I was being carried by a huge angel into a big beautiful place. I was still crying, but the physical pain was gone. The angel took me to Jesus and set me on His lap. He said" He Loved me, and he was my Father.Then I was happy. I asked Him what was that killed me. He answered "Abortion" Iam sorry my child, for i know how it feels. I dont know what abortion is; i guess that's the name of the monster. I'm writing to say that I love you and to tell you how much I wanted to be your little girl. I tried very hard to live. I wanted to live. I had the will, but i could'nt the monster was too powerful. It sucked my arms and legs off and finally got all of me. It was impossible to live. I just wanted you to know I tried to stay with you. I didnt want to die. Mommy, please watch out for that abortion monster. Mommy, i love you and i would hate for you to go through the kind of pain I did. Please be careful.
Love,
your baby girl
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